The Therapy Alchemist
Change is not just about the science and research. Mental health isn't just what we characterize as a disorder or not. It's also about the mystical ways in which we change and grow. Science can't study everything about our inner spirit/soul.
On this podcast, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado dives into the spaces that science cannot go. Discussing what ACTUAL growth and change look like. Filling in the gaps that the pop-psychology world misses, completely ignores, or sometimes shames. Plus some tips and tricks along the way to help you achieve your own personal legend.
The Therapy Alchemist
#10: Navigating Inner Transformation: Spotlight Interview with Calvin Correli
I will be featured on his podcast Making Entrepreneurship Simpler, so give his podcast a follow so you don't miss out on that exclusive interview!
Shoot him a DM with the word 10k and say you heard it from The Therapy Alchemist podcast by clicking here.
If you want to check out Calvin's website for Simplero, click here.
For his book Show Up and Serve, you can find that link here.
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*This is not a substitute for therapy nor is it therapeutic advice. If you would like to find a therapist in your area check out psychologytoday.com, goodtherapy.org, or therapyden.com
Welcome to the Therapy Alchemist podcast. I'm your host, Katrina Austin, a therapist in Colorado. I'm here to talk not only about the science behind mental health, but the magical process of transformation. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode. I am so excited to share this interview with you. So, I want to tell you a little bit about my interviewee. Calvin Corelli is a speaker, author, investor, spiritual teacher, and founder of Simplero, an all in one platform that makes growing an online business simpler. His first book is Show Up and Serve. His next book, titled You Are the Product, is coming out early next year. A coder since the age of five, Calvin's genius is making entrepreneurship simpler. Alright, let's get into it.
Track 1:Calvin, I'm so excited to have you on today and I'm really excited for everybody who's gonna be listening'cause I think that you have an incredible story that people are gonna wanna hear and it really aligns with the whole premise of my podcast, which is finding. Your personal journey, taking the route that suits you and discovering who you actually are, right? And like that, that journey of self-discovery, spirituality, and incorporating that into your personal and professional life. And so something that I often talk about with my clients is, you know, focusing on and discovering their authentic self. And that is very difficult to do. And so, um, you said that, uh, you actually just reread The Alchemist after we first met, which I think is super suitable. So I wanted to talk about, I, well, one, just maybe like a Cliff Notes version of your story, and then we'll just kind of dive into the book. So can you kind of tell me a little bit about, or tell the listeners a little bit about your journey and your path that you've been on?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Um, so, um, born and raised in Denmark and learned to program from a very, very young age and got sort of very left brain structured analytical thinking. Um. At the same time, I was like a very spiritually oriented kid. I felt like I could kind of sense behind what was people's facades to what was really happening under them. And it was like very attuned. I had an an aunt who was very into yoga and kinesiology and biodynamic foods and that kind of stuff, like early in the game, like eight, early eighties kind of thing. Um, so she was a big inspiration for me, but I shut that stuff down when I became a teenager, I was scared of it. It didn't seem, it was, it didn't seem like I could trust it. And so it became this very closed down person that was like living in my head and no contact really with my body and my feelings. And then it was, uh, like mid thirties, early thirties that I started to. Dig into that side. I was basically like, had this notion that I had to be like a, an outlandishly successful entrepreneur by age 30, or I should not, I didn't have the right to live and exist and breathe and take up space. And so when I turned 30, I cannot, could still convince myself that it was right around the corner and 31, 32 and then like 33, I just broke down. So that's when I got into therapy and, uh, coaching and body therapy and different kinds of modalities and, and started to, to really discover who I was. And, and it is funny'cause like the last thing I wanted to be was this emotional healer type person and it turned out like, Hey, what do you know? That's who I am. And uh, I've come to love it, but it's really, I was, I was thinking about it'cause I was doing a, I was coaching someone, a client earlier here today and that journey of when you are living in that mental prison and like, this is how I think I should be. And then unpacking that to who I really am. It's, it's a fascinating process and I found that working through the body is so helpful. Like we can't think our way to it. We need to start moving our body in a different way and breathing in a different way, and that opens up new neural pathways and then we can start to actually live it in our lives.
Track 1:Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. I, I really am hooked on what you said about being afraid to like be who you are. That is something that happens all the time. In fact, I actually have this conversation with my clients often is like that fear of being happy because they don't know that version of themselves. And so it sounds like for you, there's like this version of you that was absolutely terrified, terrifying. And yet that's exactly who you were the whole time. So what do you think, what was so scary about that side of you?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Well, so I, I had this notion that I needed to be very. Analytical and rational and left brain, brain driven. I, I did a, you know, the disc test, DISC, that test, common personality test, right? So I did that in maybe, I don't know, 20, 30 years ago, something like that. And I remember it was through my work and I remember getting the result back and it said that I had an adaptive adapted style of being very analytical, but I had a natural, my natural style was very intuitive and it was completely fucked with my head.'cause I didn't, I didn't have that distinction. I had no idea. But then it was like, oh, that's, maybe that's why I'm, the boss I had at the time was like this very intuitive person. He was into coaching, he was a guy who brought his personal coach to work with all of us on the engineering team. And, and so I was very inspired and motivated by him and, and I was like, oh, maybe I have a little bit of what he has and I just. I, I wasn't aware. I didn't know that. Um, yeah, so that I was, I was very scared. You know, I think, so what happens for all of us is, you know, when we're zero, when we're between one zero and one, we just are, we just do whatever we do. And our parents are like, oh, that's amazing. And goo goo, oh, he shadow all over his himself. It's incredible, right? We love you. And then around age one, between one and two, we start doing stuff that can get us in trouble. We start crawling and maybe we start walking. And at that point, our parents have to start saying no. And that shifts our brain chemistry from being just pure dopamine to now being, being, uh, noradrenaline and like cortisol and stuff that's negative. And so, um, if we don't in that situation, get, get really met properly. Um, where like, it's like dopamine, yay. Everything's great. Exploring. Like, no, don't do that. Oh shit. All these like norad, norad, adrenaline and cortisol and stuff. And then back to being met and now we can get the dopamine again and feel that love and connection again. If that doesn't happen, which it doesn't for most of us, and definitely not for those of us who choose to be entrepreneurs'cause we're crazy. Then it creates that split that says, I am wrong. There's shame and I have to behave a certain way in order to get love. Right. When I behave this way, I feel shame and that's awful. And nobody helped me to get back to a feeling of feeling good in that instance. So it just, I kinda just stay in that shame place. And when I behave this way, I feel bad. And when I behave this way, I get love and I feel safe. And so that's, I think that's where the split happens. And now we have to figure out how to basically heal that gap again.
Track 1:Gosh, that's such a beautiful description of like union and psychology and shadow work. Do you ever look into shadow work stuff?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah, yeah,
Track 1:Yeah. I love that. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's really interesting. Did you ever find that with, um, that you were annoyed by people who were more intuitive, people who were more in their emotions?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Oh, totally, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Debbie Ford was the one that I learned about like shadow work from, uh, in the beginning. And that was kind of her big thing. And she, she made this movie inspired by The Secret, and so she made kind of her own documentary version of that. And I remember there was one of the people in that, in that movie, there was this like, I think it was like a Mexican guy who was like talking about his relationship with his dad and how like the shadow worked, help him and whatnot. And he starts crying and I'm just like. God, I just like that guy. Oh my God is disgusting. It's just awful. And how embarrassing. And like I was judging him so hard. I'm like, I do not ever wanna be that guy.
Track 1:Yeah. You know, you actually mentioned too, like, um, I think it was on your story the other day about this book that you read about masculinity. And so how does that kind of tie into this? Because I feel like that's a very common mistake, right, is like that if you're emotional, if you're intuitive and you're not analytical, then you are, you are no longer masculine. You are in your feminine energy, but you definitely embody your masculine energy and still have the intuition and the emotions and stuff. So what was that journey like to just like transition over?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Great question. Um, I was very, I was super feminine as a boy. Um, and growing up I was like, I didn't want to be like my dad. I was scared of my dad. And so I was like. Alright, that's bad. I wanna be like my mom. To the extent where my first marriage was actually kinda me playing my role, the role of my mom in cast projecting my dad onto my wife, it was not a good, it was not a good situation. So, but, but, um, it it was, what was that journey like? So I think that the, I mean the journey for me of, of owning my masculine has been, and, and like we both have access to both the feminine and the masculine. Right? To me, the whole goal is being able to choose where we wanna live, um, and draw on, on the different energies when we need them. But that journey for me was all about healing the boy, like re-parenting that inner boy and helping him grow up to be a healthy masculine man. And I think the trick is. Like the female, the feminine tends to be more like in their emotions. Right? And that's what makes fe women exciting, right? That they're emotional, they're in their emotions. Other, what? That's what makes them radiant. That's what makes us attracted to you guys. But for men, when we're emotional and like inner emotions, I don't think that's very, that's not super attractive. It's not, to me, very masculine. The masculine part is that we can be with our feelings, but we can be with the awareness and the consciousness around it. But we're fully available emotionally. We're just not like, you know, we're not, we carried away by our feelings, but we still have them. And, and like any man who pretends like, you know, they don't have feelings, we all do. Right? That's, that's what, that's what makes us humans. We have, my family growing up was very much. It was like we all pretended like we didn't have feelings, but of course we all did have feelings. Just we didn't talk about, and we didn't own that. We didn't acknowledge it. And so it was all this game of trying to say something that makes other people behave in a way so that I, my feelings go away without acknowledging that I have feelings. Right. It was like, it was a weird, weird game and it didn't work that well, but, but, yeah. I think it's all about being, um, having the, the awareness around them. I always think of like, there's, I am not, it's not, I am angry. It's there. I, I'm noticing the anger in me and I can be with that and I can, I can, I can use it and then all those emotions become fuel. It becomes like a, a palette that I can play with in life.
Track 1:So instead of being overtaken by. And emotion, like anger. It's just the awareness of, Hey, this exists and now I can redirect it. Yeah. You know? And I think that that's
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:if you're never angry, that's a problem, right? If you're never angry, it's like there's a part of you that you're not aware of, but like being able to feel the anger and then choose what to do with it, not lash out or punch or hit or yell or something at, at people in control of you, but in being charged of it, that's amazing.
Track 1:so can you describe, because you were, you were describing in a roundabout way what it looks like to embody that masculine and have the feminine inside of yourself. Can you show me. Like with words and what that, what that looks like for you. Because I think what I encounter a lot with the men that I work with, because we talk a lot about masculine and feminine energy, and it's really difficult to describe for me as someone who really embodies my feminine energy, how to describe what masculine looks like while you're still holding space for your inner feminine.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Hmm. so I mean, to me it's like the, the feminine is. The, the masculine is the structure and the focus and the direction energy. Like, all right, here's where we're gonna do, we're gonna go this way. This is where we're going. This is why, like, clearing away the obstacles. Like this is, this is it. Like, just go straight to the point. The feminine is about relationship and relating and nurturing and like the creativity and exploring and all that adventures and all of that stuff, right? So it's like, what do I need to do? I'm still someone that has a very strong feminine and there are lots of situations where that's what's needed. And there are other situations where the masculine is needed. And so it's being able, this choosing, um, who do I need to show up as today with my wife, with my kids, with my team, with my clients, with whatever. Like, which side do I need to pull on in order to. Get where I want to go and that can, I think this thing is changing color and that's making my face look weird. I think that's what's happening because now it's dark. It's really funny. It's hilarious. Uh, yeah. So it's, it's being able to choose which, which one do I wanna draw on? Is that answering your question?
Track 1:Yeah, I think so. I mean, I, I guess for me what I'm looking for is maybe an example that you have, like is of a time, whenever you've moved from one energy to the other, if that makes sense.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm
Track 1:'cause I have clients or just men in my life actually, who, who will struggle with that because there's a lot of hate right now against masculinity. Um, which is very sad.'cause they're, they're just talking about toxic traits, not masculinity is not toxic. Um, it's actually very healing and protective. But I guess what the struggle
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:and there's definitely toxic femininity as well, right? Like, it's like there're toxic
Track 1:Yeah, it's toxic, everything, you know what I mean? Everything can be toxic if you go too far to one side, you know? But, um, I guess what I find is that, you know, describing for men, what is it? How do you show up for your wife
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:I think so. In, in a relationship, right? Typically it's like my wife is going through something and I'm like, like, oh Han what is it? Tell me about it. Like, what is like, that's kind of approaching from a very feminine way versus like, come here Han, I got you. We like, like. Don't say anything, just put your head like lying to me. Like that kind of like, give the structure, give the boundaries, give, be that, that stable pillar that she can just melt into versus like, oh, let's like really sit here and connect now. Right?
Track 1:Hmm. That's beautiful. That's exactly what I was looking for. Like that just physical sensation of like setting the stage between confidence and softness.'cause like the soft side is that nurturing feminine side and then the confidence is that masculine go-getter kind of vibe. Okay.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. And you, by showing up with that energy, you just like, you shift her energy completely, right? Where she just like, like melts and she's like, yeah, like, I'm safe here.'cause for, for women like that, feeling safe is. So important, which for us guys, it's just not a concern for us really. But that giving that structure, that container can, can make her feel safe. And then now she can relax into her feminine.'cause she doesn't have to be that person that, that keeps things together. yeah. Masculine, feminine is funny. So. We had, my wife and I, we have, we have a mentor that we've worked with, with for years who's amazing. And we were at a crisis point and we went to work with him and he said, look, Calvin, you're 80% in your feminine. Your masculine is 20% of you right now. We gotta get that balance. We gotta get the masculine up. You're a man. We gotta get that more up. And you're, and, and know me, my wife. He's like, you're the opposite. You're 80% of your masculine, 20% feminine. We gotta flip that around. So, something that we've worked with together as a couple for like six years now of just figuring out what that looks like and healing that. There's a reason why I had a, my masculine side was still stuck at a 5-year-old. Um, and there was a reason why her feminine side was stuck at a young, at, at a young age, and it's just healing re-parenting, right? Like what, what, connecting with that boy, what did he need? What did he truly need back then? What does he need now from an adult?
Track 1:What was it that yours needed?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:He needed, he needed love, he needed to be loved and seen and protected from kind of the rage. And, and abuse is a strong word, but like that, that like lack of caring that he, that he experienced back then, it was like, oh shit. Like I have to have everything under control and like, not be too, too silly. Like for me, I remember as a kid if I was too happy or playful or silly or anything like that, my dad would get really angry, really angry, like smack me and stuff. And I think, like, I love my dad. He's amazing. I, I'm, I'm super grateful. I don't think I, that's a beautiful thing too. As you, as you mature, you realize, oh, I had the exact parents I needed, I. To become the person that I'm here to become. Like I love my parents for, they're amazing. They've given me exactly what I needed. But as a kid I didn't understand that, of course. And so it was like, you know, shit, I think my dad had had the same thing where he was like, I need to be, have things in order me, right. And stuff. And when that little kid, like, you know, he shows that side that I've repressed, like he's gonna, he's gonna react to that, right? That's, that's what happens as a parent. We, we have those kids and they go through those ages where, where we had trauma and pain and if we haven't healed that, they're gonna bring it up in us. And then we can either heal, heal it there, or pass it onto the next generation, one of the two. And so, so like I learned, like, don't be too happy and don't be too free. You gotta be controlled and really feel. What other people are, are, are feeling and how they're doing. Like, I had to sense my dad, so, so he wouldn't get angry. And then, you know, I got really good at, so I, I developed some skills in that. Um, and I forget what your question was, but that was the source of my, of my like on freedom. What was the question?
Track 1:was about what, what it was that your inner child needed in order to like
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Oh yeah. So what he needed was to know that it's okay to just be him and not have everything figured out and be silly and stupid. And for me, like actually just putting on music and dancing and being silly to music has been a huge release. And, which it's kind of funny'cause that maybe that's a, is that a feminine thing? I don't know. But like, for me, letting that thing that just like, just the joy of the music and just feeling what it does to my body when I, when I allow it to move has been really cool way to. To get that stuff out again, like I talked about in the beginning, like the moving through the body is so important to get to that mental stuff.'cause like we can't, we can only go so far through, through conversations, which is also why I'm obsessed with body therapy. My, my, um, mentor and Copen has developed this body therapy system where you can go to all these deep emotional layers through the body and a lot of it through the belly. And you can't, it's like when we go try to do it through conversation alone, we can bullshit. Right? We can come up with, with stories and lie to ourselves, lie to our therapist, whatever. When you go to the body, you can't lie. It's just the body is the body. It just does it what it does.
Track 1:I actually kind of wanna snap back to what you said about dancing if it's masculine or not. When I think about it, I think that it's more just authentic. I don't think that it, it's assigned any kind of like role because I've watched men dance and they can be extremely attractive and masculine. You know what I mean? But I think there's something about like just actually embracing whatever it is that you're feeling. And what's so beautiful about dance and like you said, like the body movement, is it, you can't hide. You are, I mean, you can try, but you're gonna be clunky, right? But if you actually set it free, then you get to like be your true self. And it's like this very joyful space. And I, I love that you were able to get there because often I see in a lot of people, not just men, um, men in particular, but like there's that, I guess being in your excited, joyful phase is definitely hidden in the shadow. It's like, nope, don't be too happy. For whatever reason, we're not allowed to be too happy. That's bad, you know? Yet that's what we're all striving to reach, but being told that we're not allowed to do that, which is confusing and difficult.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. I mean, most things in life is, is there's a, there's a thing that we want in our conscious mind, and then there's what our unconscious mind wants and it's gonna win, right? So we can consciously think that we want to be happy, but unconsciously, we're deeply committed to being unhappy. My friend Gay Hendricks always says, whatever you've had in your life for more than three months, you're unconsciously committed to. So, like, you know, until you own and acknowledge that, and then identify what that commitment is, you can work as hard as you want and nothing's gonna change.
Track 1:Yeah, makes sense. Um, I wanna go into The Alchemist though, if you wanna follow me down that route, because you know that is also one of your favorite books, right? So seriously, the book is amazing. So I wanna talk about the two different characters that really stood out to me in the book. And the first one is the Baker who represents the person who took the safe route in life. They, the baker, chose to listen to society's expectations of like, Hey, this, this job and this career is gonna give you a wife and a kid and you're gonna be stable and you don't have to take any risks. Then you have the crystal merchant, which is somebody who was constantly dreaming of going to Mecca, but. Just held onto the dream, never actually followed. It was too scared to follow. It felt that life would be over if he achieved the dream. Very fearful of success. And from our chats that I've had with you, I've seen a little bit of both of those characters in your personal journey, and I think that there's gonna be a lot of people listening who are probably in one of those categories. And so for you, is there, are there points in your life where you felt like you resonated with one of those?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah, a hundred percent. Um. I, I think, and I think a, a big part of the difference. I'll, I'll, I'll ex I'll double click on that in a second, but I think it, the, the big difference is, you know, how committed are you? Like, like how that voice never goes away, right? That voice that's like, that talks about your dream or your personal legend in the, in the words of, of Palio, um, is always there. But most people I find are, are more committed to drowning it out than to actually staying true to it. Um, so for me, I, I was married, I have two kids, um, and I knew so moved to the us. I'm from Denmark, moved to the US when I was nine in, when I was 20 something, 25 or something in, in 99. And. Knew instantly, this is my country. I need to live in this country. This is where I feel at home in a way that I never did in the country I grew up in. And then yada yada, things happened. We ended up nine 11 and stuff. We ended up back in Copenhagen. It was supposed to be a short time, and then kids and house and mortgage and like what was supposed to be two years, ended up being nine years. And then at eventually I couldn't do it anymore. And that was like, that was that the baker Right. House and kids and wife and all that stuff. And like, and I, like, I cannot tell you the, the, the pain. That still exists inside of me over having lost that. It's real. Like that's, that's not something to take lightly. And I like, if I had been the person I am today, it would've gone the way that it did. Like lots of things would've been different. But I, I wasn't, I I did the best I could at the time and it wasn't pretty. Um, but I ended up getting divorced and moving back to the states.'cause that was my personal legend. I've al I knew, knew it in my bones from the minute I set foot in this country. This is where my pe personal legend is. And I decided for me, I wasn't willing to sacrifice that even for kids because my, I don't want to be the role model for my kids. My kids are gonna do what I did, not what I said. And I didn't want to be the role model for my kids that said, you need to silence your own inner voice and give up on your personal legend because that's the right thing to do for your kids. Is that the right choice? I don't know. It was the right choice for me. It was what I felt I had to do. In order to just stay alive functionally and, and like. Yeah. And true to myself, super painful decision. Not just for me obviously, but for my kids and ex-wife and the whole thing. And yeah, it's one of those things as you live, you make some choices and like they have consequences and you are the person that you are the time. And I was not very mature at the time, but that, that inner voice, I could not let it go. I just knew, like, and I tried for years and years and I couldn't, it, it had to, I had to follow it. And I did. And then later, I'd say until fairly recently, I got more into the crystal merchant side of things where then I, I started, I got into coaching spiritual teacher for entrepreneurs. That was my, that was my big calling. And started doing that early on and then got super scared, like I. I guess scared of success, scared of like, you know, imposter and who am I and what do I know of, like, all of that bullshit that goes on in our heads. Sorry if this is a PG podcast. I, I forgot to
Track 1:I always put explicit.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Good, good. Um, and then, um, it wasn't until fairly recently that I really started to step into that, um, spiritual teacher coach role again. And it kind of came gradually. But when I look back, I'm just, it's funny how like, I almost thought of doing a pod. I didn't almost think of, I thought of doing a podcast titled Running From Purpose.'cause I feel like when I look back at my, my history, it is like, then I got into mixology and I like started drinking co making cocktails like four nights a week or something.'cause like, well I'm into mixology. No, I'm an alcoholic. No, I mean, not really, but you know, like. Like drank way too much for many years. And then, and then I got into music and songwriting. I was like, oh, I'm gonna be like famous Ian. I've had my hair grow long and colored it like this, like supposed to be petroleum kind of grayish thing. And it ended up being this like weird ass, like greenish color and like all of that stuff that I did and like a long list of other things that I've done as like, I did standup comedy and I did improv and I did like so many, so much stuff instead of just like getting, getting down to it. And I'm glad I did because there are great experiences and now I, I, don't drink anymore, so I don't care about the mixology stuff. But I, I'm, I still know how to write songs and produce music and I, I wanna do that. That was something, something with that at some point. But like, oh my God, what I haven't done to try to avoid that purpose. And it really hit home this fall. I had my heart checked'cause there's something that fell off and it turns out there's something. With my EKG, that's not quite normal. And, and like the big, I think it's entirely spiritual and it's, there's not, there's not really a physical component to it. It was just like my heart being like, Hey dude, are we like, are we doing this or not? Right. Um, I'm like, all right, let's do it.
Track 1:Wow. That is such a cool, I just, I love listening to you talk about your story because I just, I think you have such good language for describing what what people are going, are going through, you know? So what did you discover was your true calling? Because it sounds like you were just like putting your hand in a a bunch of different cookie jars being like, maybe this is the thing, maybe this is a thing. What was it that it narrowed down to? What was your personal legend or are you still on that journey?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:No, I mean, for me it's, it's the, it's the healer essentially. I just do it in the context of business. I work with entrepreneurs'cause I think business is such a cool, um, avenue for spiritual growth. Um,'cause you kind of, you're gonna face all of your, like, all business problems are personal problems and spiritual problems that show up in business, every one of them. So it's just when you're, when you're in business for yourself, like those things tend to show up faster. Like, you, you, like if you're flying this way and you're hitting, heading to straight to a brick wall, you're gonna hit there, hit that brick wall a lot faster than if you are in a job at a company somewhere.'cause there's a lot more safety around you. And like the correlation between your growth as the owner, the CEO, the leader of the company, and the company is direct. It like, it's so direct. You can even see it like in big companies, right? You can see how Apple is kind of like, has become kind of like Tim Cook and Tesla is a lot like Elon Musk and like, there's different personalities to these companies that are very much shaped by the founder. You can't, you can't escape that, and that's how it's supposed to be. So I like that. I, but I do see, so that's that work, doing that work is my, is my personal legend. That's a hundred percent what, what I'm here to do. I do see that morphing into a, a broad, general, uh, audience at some point, uh, where it's not just in, in, in business onto entrepreneurship. So, yeah.
Track 1:It's your why. but yeah, it is that why, I mean, so you, how did you discover that it was the healer? I guess like,'cause I think a lot of times people have that feeling, right? There's like, they're like, I know there's something out there for me and it's pulling me and it's drawing me in, but I don't know exactly what it is. And they just kind of have a roundabout like, uh, maybe I enjoy writing or something, but they're like, do I wanna be an author? Uh, I don't know if I wanna do that. You know? So how are you able to just kind of narrow it down and be like, I want to be a healer and that can show up in a thousand different forms, but this is my
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm. so the first, um, in 2008 I was doing, I was still programming for monies as a freelance, um, programmer. And at that point I had only one client left. It was Greenpeace International, and I did their intranet and, you know, I was a good client and we'd had them for a long time and paid the bills nicely and they were good to work with. And then at the beginning of the year, I. Early, like early January, they called me up and said, look, we've decided to outsource that project that you are working on to India. So sorry you're out of a job. And then we just bought a house. We just had our second kid. And mortgage was crazy expensive because some technicality stuff. And so I, I desperately started to look for some other gigs that I could pay the bills and everything just like blew up. Nothing was happening. Like all kinds of things happened. It was crazy. And so like, I was terrible because my thing was, my biggest fear was always the financial, like, what if I can't pay the bills? I've never ever been able been in a situation where I couldn't pay the bills. I don't know what that's like, but I'm always, always been scared of it. And so, and at that point I was like scraping by for sure. And so in late February I sat down. I was like, what is it like God, universe, this is you trying to tell me that I should stop. Chasing the money to assuage my fears and just actually find out what it is I'm here to do. Alright. I will do what you ask of me. So I sat down, I was like, what is am I here to do? Asked myself a bunch of questions and like me, I meditated on it or something. And then the, the answer popped into my head. I'm here to integrate spirituality and entrepreneurship. That's it. Integrate spirituality on entrepreneurship. It was a complete download of this is what it's gonna look like. Here's, you're gonna teach this, and then you're gonna have an investment fund where you work with people and like, this is the future of humanity. And how we solve all the problems with the entrepreneurship, with entrepreneurs who do their inner work so that they're more conscious, so they c create more solutions and problems and all of that. Like, it was a complete download. It was, it was magical. It was like, fuck yeah, this is what I'm gonna do. And um, and then, um, then it was. Then came all the challenges. Like that's what sparked me for, started my software company and Simo and all that stuff was like, okay, like I need to do this. And I got into online coaching and all that stuff, or online courses and, and coaching and so on. But it, um, yeah, I got stuck. I think, what was your question?'cause I remember there's the second part that I wanted to
Track 1:How did you discover that you were the healer?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Oh yeah. Because then, so this came to me like that and then, I dunno if you've ever had this, but where like you, you see something, you feel it, you know it, and then you doubt it and then you hesitate and then, yeah. So that was me for many years. Right? Hence running from purpose as, as the theme. So, um, I had this hand analysis. Um, have you heard about, uh, Richard er and the International Institute of Hand Analysis
Track 1:No, what is that?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:It's a really interesting thing. So it's a, it's a guy who's been studying all of the, all the hand analysis traditions and kind of condensed it into a system that given your prints, there are four different types of prints that we can have in the fingers, given what types of prints we have and where they're placed and, and how many of the different types there are. It will give you a sentence that is your life purpose. Um, yeah, it's wild. And uh, so I had a session like that and turns out, according to the system, my life purpose is to be a big shot spiritual teacher in the spotlight.
Track 1:Hmm.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:That's, that's the phrase I'm like, when I heard that, I was like, this is fucking uncanny. Like this
Track 1:Yeah. That's insane.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:This is wild.'cause that's, I'm like. I'm like, that's, I mean, that's what I wanna be, that's what I saw. That's what I felt like, what, where the hell does this come from? Um, so, and I actually had, um, I, there's Richard has trained, uh, a number of different people. I had had a reading with a name lady named Nana, Rebecca, and then later with Beth Davis and then Pamela Landers. And then finally, um, year and a half ago I had a, a reading with Richard er actually, and it's the same system and they tell you roughly the same thing, but they always interpret it like, like the stories that they tell and the way they explain it is always a little bit different. So, um, it's been remarkable and I keep returning to my notes from those sessions. I had one with Beth Davis in 2015 that was so prescient. And I go back to that and I'm like. Shit. I should have listened to what she said back then, because she lays it all out. And it's not like I haven't read it again and again over the years, but then I just forget. And then I was like, you get cons. I get consumed with life. And then, you know, it's like, it's kinda like, like this is the thing. It's right there and it's written in plain English. And now like, you have to become the person that can actually own and live that. And that's, that's the journey.
Track 1:That's the scary part. You know, like embodying
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:it's also the fun
Track 1:It's the best part, but it's also absolutely horrifying for whatever reason. I don't know what, yeah,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Tell, tell me about that. How is it, how is it
Track 1:I think that there is a fear of the unknown, right? And so if you embody your authentic self and you haven't been your authentic self at all, then you are now going to be somebody you don't know. And what are all the things that you're gonna lose? Right. Like often I'll think about like depression, right? I'll have clients come in who are clinging to depression and they don't realize they're clinging to depression because happiness is scary. But it's like, well, what do you lose if you get rid of depression? Well, you lose people checking in on you, right? You, you lose people, um, maybe giving you extra nurturing that you feel like you need, or, you know, maybe you have to like go out and talk to more people and try new things and pursue a career and pursue your dreams. You know, like that's a lot of change. And we love homeostasis, but yeah, we also hate it.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Have you seen, have you seen the way Tony Robbins talks about this? So he, he has this human needs psychology. Six basic human needs, need for certainty, uncertainty, or variety. Um, uh, significance, love, and connection. Growth and contribution. So those are the
Track 1:Mm.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:And so when you're depressed, that means your need for certainty, right? I know the state, I've been here money many times, right? It gives you, in many cases, uh, uncertainty or variety.'cause you can, you can fluctuate. Like now I'm angry, now I'm like, whatever, I can go with this place. So it gives you some variety, um, significance. I'm very depressed. Oh, you want like, oh, right. Like, oh, my
Track 1:It's your identity. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Love and connection with yourself. You're connecting with yourself, but other people check in on you like exactly like you said, right? So now it meets four of the basic human needs, which means, I think he says whenever it meets two needs to becomes a habit, three becomes an addiction. Four, it becomes like a very strong addiction or something. So like, yeah, we, we come, become addicted to it. Like, like Gay Hendricks says that the hardest addiction to break is the addiction to
Track 1:mm-Hmm. Yes, I as an yes, as an Enneagram four. I don't know if you know anything about the Enneagram, but I am a four and I love suffering. I am. It is so romantic to me. It is, yeah. Leaning into happiness is against my whole being, so that's funny. Um,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Might want to rewrite that one. Yeah,
Track 1:yeah, I am definitely leaning into the happiness and the joy now. You know, that's, that's where I'm at on this journey of like, Nope, I know that my authentic self is that joyful side that's really playful and giggly and full of light and lean into that, you know? Um, but it is that fear of taking that risk.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:I remember early on, the way it showed up for me was, was like, if I just allow myself to just be, be happy and alive, it was like, it was like free fall. It was like the, the earth, like I, I was like, yeah, free fall through air. Like it was so scary. Like, I'm gonna fall. I remember that feeling very strongly and, and, um, and recently. I, I discovered this device called the Shift Wave, which is a chair. You can look it up. Shift waves. It's just$10,000 chair with these vibrate vibrating panels underneath. So you lie in that chair and it vibrates and then it stops. I was like, and it's, it's some of that same feeling. So it, it does some kind of nervous system stimulation where it stimulates your nervous system and then like, as it vibrates harder and faster and stronger, and then like stops and like it fluctuates up and down is kind what it does. But like, it's like when it stops, it's like, whew. It's like some of that free fall feeling again. So I'm very fascinated with, I, I haven't started going to a, a, a gym in Manhattan where they have one. Um, and it's. It's really cool. I really like how that, how that feels and what that does. So I'm just thinking if there's like, it's definitely a nervous system thing when we feel that fear, right? So I'm thinking that something like that can help just get your nervous system more used to some of those states and then No, it's not, it's not as scary
Track 1:Mm-Hmm. Yeah. It's just getting that exposure and that's cool that you can kind of maybe access it through other means. I think that dancing is a good one. I. That's, that's what I do to access that inner joy is I will dance by myself. I have a playlist specifically for it, and I just dance until I start enjoying it. Like I dance until it stops being awkward. You know what I mean? Because at first I'm like, uh, I'm having a shitty day. But then eventually I'm just like, yes, yes. And I, I will get so into it that I will start tearing up whenever I'm doing it'cause I'm so in tune with myself. And so it's just me and my human, you know? And it's just absolutely beautiful. So yeah, there's, there you have to incorporate the physiology behind it, I think.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah.
Track 1:I don't know if
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:For me, the singing is what gets me, gets me, uh, emo that gets, that gets me emotional. I was just last morning, yesterday morning in the shower, put on loud music, singing along, like belching out loud, and I just like started crying. It's a really nice
Track 1:I love that it's such a.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah,
Track 1:It's like all the, I don't know, all the keys click into place, you know, in that moment, and you're just like truly whole in yourself. It's amazing.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Early on the voice is very interesting. I think there's so much power in, in, in engaging the voice. Um, lived in India for a year, about a little over 10 years ago, and we had this extra. Little kind of house upstairs. And I'd go up there and then I'd put on a song and then I'd just sing along to it and I'd get to a certain spot and then I'd just break down crying like so hard. And then I'd start over again and do the same thing. And I just kept, kept it on repeat.'cause I had this feeling that like there's something that that song at that sport point was touching in me that was buried and, and that wanted to come out. And I just kept doing it until it stopped having that effect on me. I just, I don't know, I just felt it was very intense, but it felt
Track 1:Mm-Hmm. And you were brave enough to lean into it.'cause often we'll stop ourselves when we get to that point. We're like, Ooh, nope. Let me suck back those tears.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:yeah. What was brave? So it was, it was, being alone was best, but then. I was like, I'm gonna share this with my wife. So I was like, Han, I mean, is it okay if I saying this for you? And I did. And I just
Track 1:Mm-Hmm
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:started crying again. And she was sweet. She was really sweet. She was really
Track 1:mm-Hmm. Getting to share that spiritual side with your partner. So important. I think we often neglect that.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. And that was a pattern too. Um, I spoke with my mom about it'cause my mom was kinda spiritual, right. And my, my dad was more the business guy. And, and when I decided, well, I can't, like the, like my dad would be angry and sometimes spank me and stuff. And so, and my mom would never be there to protect me. And so unconsciously I decided that the spiritual is, is can't keep me safe, so I can't trust it. And so I'm gonna go into the business and just be all mental and be more like my dad and. I spoke with my mom later and she would, she would, she would be reading, she was reading Wayne Dyer and like some of these kinda spiritual books especially that she got from her sister, my aunt. And she would hide them from my dad'cause she was afraid that he was gonna see them. And so I learned that pattern from a young age of like, hiding, hiding my spiritual side. And I was like, I was scared of opening up to it. I was super sta That was scary for me, like as, uh, to begin to acknowledge that. Um, and then, yeah, eventually I couldn't, I couldn't nod
Track 1:Hmm. Yeah, you have to lean into it. I have one final question, I find that there's a, there's two different spaces. There's the, the drive to chasing your personal legend, which is like the progression, the achievement, goal driven, right? Like just that, that drive, that's like, I'm going all in, I'm going to, you know, leave my house, my country, I'm gonna do all these things. Right? On the opposite end, end of the pendulum, there is contentment. And I know that logically that there's a space where we're supposed to incorporate both, right? And as I was thinking about it and just talking with people, um, that I know who are on the same path there, the space that's in between those two is where I have personally found that suffering lies when I don't go all in on one side or the other. And. It's, it's very strange'cause I'll notice myself doing it just in one single day where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna work on my podcast and I'm gonna work on all of these things, you know, all of these, these dreams that I have, and I really, really love that. And that's the progression side. But then it's like, okay, well just sit and be and be content here. But I can't, I don't know. When I'm in the, in-between space, it's like I have one foot in each pond, but I'm not going all in on either one. And so, but I feel like what I've heard other people say, I don't know where I've heard this, but I feel like other people are saying, well, you're supposed to be content where you are in the journey. And I'm like, yes. But how do you balance that? How do you, how do you find that without feeling forced in one way or the other? Because if I try to lean into contentment while having my drive, then. It feels forced. It feels like this is now a job. It stops having, I get burned out. You know what I mean? Or if I go to the contentment side and I'm like, just zen with life, then I'm like, Ooh. But I'm not pursuing my dreams right now. I'm actually like on pause. I'm just sitting still. So I'm kind of curious like what are your thoughts about this?
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Oh, this is good. A good one. I love this. I love this. So, how are you doing? How are you? How are you doing? Contentment.
Track 1:For me, I think it shows up as I, what I told you about like the dancing. It's really been my relationship with myself. I mean, this past summer is where I really actually hit self-love. Like really hit it to where now I feel whole as a person. I've never felt that way before. Um,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm
Track 1:and so I think it's just being with me. Being with my human and spending time with her and trusting that things are gonna be okay. That, that I can handle whatever life throws at me. But it feels very still. Like it's whenever I stop moving, I stop, um, striving.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:So how are you doing? Discontent.
Track 1:Oh, I've mastered the art of that one. I'm very good at that. God. Um,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:well, how do you do it? What do you say to yourself? What do you, what's model it for me?
Track 1:so discontent. It is oof a lot of negativity, a lot of, um, hopelessness about the future stuck on the.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:What's the story?
Track 1:Uh, I mean, I would say,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:words?
Track 1:um, don't know.'cause it's, it's difficult'cause there's a lot of different spaces.'cause if I go on the professional
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:one?
Track 1:um, on the professional side, I would say it's, you're not going to have money to survive.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Okay,
Track 1:There's this, there's a story that I have in my head that I have to have a husband in order to be able to afford things. When I bought my car a couple of years ago, I did the math on it like six times. I was like, how am I able to afford this as a woman? And that was very telling to me where I was like, oh my gosh, I've been told my whole life, I need a man to take care of me. So there's this fear of like, if I don't have a husband, I'm not gonna be able to make it. I'm not gonna be able to pay my bills. I need somebody to come rescue me.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Hmm. Is that true
Track 1:No.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:that you'll know?
Track 1:Mm-Hmm,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:How do you feel when you think that I,
Track 1:hopeless.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Hm hmm.
Track 1:I
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:What does it feel like in your body?
Track 1:definitely stomach dropping. Everything feels heavier
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Hmm
Track 1:and like there's an empty black hole inside of my core, like a longing, um, a big open black space.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm. Yeah. How would you feel if you couldn't think that thought?
Track 1:I just, the first thing that popped into my head was imagining my entire body being filled with this gold, sparkly liquid.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Mm-Hmm.
Track 1:Um, for some reason, whenever I do active imagination stuff, my inner goddess is like very golden sparkly. Um, but just very full, very whole, very capable, fearless risk taker.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Mm-Hmm. Awesome. So what's the, what would be the opposite of that thought?
Track 1:Hmm. I felt uncomfortable just thinking that before I even said it out loud. I instantly felt uncomfortable, um, that I can do it all alone.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Mm-Hmm.
Track 1:And I think as I say that what comes to me is this fear of having to live life alone because I am such a communalistic individual. I do not identify with Western society. I think we are too individualized and, and to have to live alone, um,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Mm-Hmm.
Track 1:is one of my greatest fears.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:So you're afraid that if, if you own your power to, to the ability to do, uh, have the money and be able to buy and, and survive and live and to do all the things you need to do as a woman without needing a man, that that means you will never have a man.
Track 1:Which I think can be kind of
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Is it,
Track 1:because
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:is that true
Track 1:a lot of men are very intimidated by success. Like there is a, a strange societal hierarchy. And I think it's true on both ends. It's not just men. I think that women kind of get the ick by men who are making less than them. And it's not like an intentional thing. But there is something to that where maybe it's because I'm very attracted to masculine. And so when I picture masculine, I picture that as like the go-getter, right? Like that's the, the drive. That's kind of the energy I embody whenever I'm chasing my dreams is like that masculine side. And I feel like it's, um, like I'll lose respect for somebody if they don't have that same drive. And the more I succeed, the smaller number of people that now may be a good match for me.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:How many do you need?
Track 1:Just, just one out of 8 billion, just one.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Alright, so, so who cares? Yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I, this is so beautiful. I love this. I love this. This is, I mean, beautiful and your honesty is just incredible. I I really love that. Yeah. Yeah. So don't lower your standard because you're afraid you're not gonna meet a man that is lives up to the same standard. Right. I think where, where it goes wrong, and this is kinda speculation, but I think where it goes wrong is a woman who's so strong in, in her masculine, so rewarded for the masculine and forgets how to switch into the feminine when that's needed. And then, Like, yeah, you wanna, I think you probably want to attract a man who's, who's confident and comfortable and is like, is is he able to go even stronger than the masculinity, which I think men are inherently wired to do. But of course, like you're not gonna, like you being super successful with your therapy business and getting into coach group, group programs and like your podcast and millions in downloads and money and all that stuff, and then find some dude who doesn't know, who has no direction in life and doesn't work out and just lying on the couch feeling depressed all day. I don't think that's gonna be a match. So I would, I, I would recommend I advise against getting with that guy, right? Manifest the guy that you do want someone who's strong, successful, confident, you know, takes care of his body and knows how to, how to shift you into your feminine even when you were like. Kind of stuck in your masculine work mode. Right? So just manifest that guy. Um, and don't use that as an excuse to hold yourself down.'cause I think it's, I think it's very real and very true what you're saying, but also it can become an easy excuse for not actually pursuing your personal
Track 1:Mm-Hmm. Oh, it absolutely is an excuse at times for sure. And you know, I think I got a lot of
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:And then you can be like, oh, it's society and men, and like all
Track 1:Everybody else did this to me.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:you. Right?
Track 1:Yeah. I like to blame other people. I'm very good at that. You know, I'm like, Hmm, you are the
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Only you, you're the only one that does that.
Track 1:I know, right? I am the only person who does it. You guys don't, you guys have a perfect life, right? Especially,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:all of all. 7.9 9, 9, 9, 9, whatever. Billion other people. Yeah.
Track 1:Yeah, it's, it's, it's a really interesting thing now that you say that, like bringing that up.'cause I think there was another aspect to it too, whenever we first got together and had lunch, was that fear of also like, surpassing my family as well. So like there's, I think there's multiple things that go into success. Um, for me that just really scare me. But honestly, when I started my practice, I was like absolutely terrified. I was so scared. I was like, I'm doing it.'cause logically it makes sense. There is not a bone in my body that says I should do this. And I did this anyway and it was so worth it, you know? And I have moments of sheer panic because, you know, being a first year business owner, but, um, think there's a lot that plays into it, you know, but it really is just like embodying who I know I am.'cause I know I'm, I am very creative and I'm very, I'm very much of a big thinker, like a big dreamer, right? I'm not a detail oriented person. Like, do not put me in an accounting situation. Like, no, thank you. I don't wanna stare at the details. You know, like, no, I can dream really, really big. Um, but there's a lot that comes into it, you know, like we've, we've talked about, you and I have talked about before is like the imposter syndrome as well. Like, ah, am I smart enough? Right? There's like all of these things that come in and try to prevent me, which going back to the alchemist happens to Santiago the whole time where he's like constantly presented with reasons why he shouldn't do something, you know, why he shouldn't continue following his personal legends. But it is, it is very difficult at times.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. I, I'll say like, make sure that you, I don't, I don't think you will'cause you, you're not wired that way, but like making sure you don't lose the feminine core and that you don't get disillusioned with, with men and, you know, relationships and all that stuff. Like you stay. Stay true to your feminine core. And I think one of the mistakes PE a lot of women make too is that they go, they kinda go all in on the masculine when it comes to business. And I think the big opportunities really stay centered in the feminine and do business from a fem feminine place, right? You still need just enough masculine structure around it to make things work, but really lead with that core. I think you can do amazing and you're gonna have no problem finding a man. And if you do, it's not because of that. It's like then like work on what the issue really is. Instead of like trying to play small in the hopes that you find a small man, it's just never gonna satisfy you. She's never
Track 1:Right. It's definitely not,
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:'cause the man that you want is also gonna want you in your essence, right? He's not gonna want a wife that's playing small like that. Like
Track 1:He is not the guy for me if he is.'cause I have too big of a personality.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah.
Track 1:Yeah. Y you know, that, actually shout out to one of my exes, his name is David. Um, he and I have had, like, we just continually have a conversation about masculine and feminine energy. And what's cool is, you know, I, he's a good reminder, um, whenever we do talk, um, is to embody that, that feminine energy, you know. And so I have been very intentional because the dating world today is, is very, I don't know, anti how humans are supposed to meet. I think we're faced with way too much rejection. There's too much murkiness in the water. Everybody's bitter on the dating apps. Like, it's just, it's not a good space and. I have been intentional, especially recently because now that I've found like that self-love of just like leaning into the feminine energy and you know, David, my friend, he was able to just like remind me like keep leaning into it, keep leaning into it. Just'cause I would, I would get guarded, kind of like they give you advice on the, I don't know who, I don't know who these people are, but people on the internet tell women, they're like, don't give him the boyfriend experience unless he commits to you'cause he's just gonna use you. And like, it's just this us against them mentality. And, and so I'm like, you know what? Fuck that. I'm going to be me and who I am is very flirty and I love to cook for you and I wanna be in that feminine energy. I wanna be giggly around you. And if I really like that person, I'm going to do that. And, um. Even though it hasn't worked out to being, you know, having found my person like that helps me a lot. So I am very intentional about trying to stay in that feminine energy. Um, I guess I've never really thought about incorporating that into the business side though, and like chasing my dreams.'cause I just, I don't even consider masculine and feminine energy too much whenever I think about that. But it makes a lot of sense to do that. I think my masculine comes in and says, you're not gonna be able to live in your apartment anymore. Like, you are not gonna make money and you're gonna be
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:your fear. That's not masculine. That's just a fear. That's just a, the fear thought. Yeah. So yeah, all of those fears, all of that story. So where I was getting to at with your, your original question here was like, how do you do the balance between contentment and, and the drive and, um, the way I look at it is contentment or even like total love of everything that is right now is our natural state. It's our birthright. Like a baby is not born into this world thinking this is wrong and this is wrong, and I'm not good enough. And like, la la la. Like, it's not how that works. Right? I know a baby doesn't have a lot of mental acuity, but, but it's, it's a learned behavior. It's a learned mental pattern of making ourselves wrong, making life wrong. Like, I'm not rich enough. I'm gonna like stories about the future. I'm not gonna be able to, as a woman, I can't, blah, blah, blah. All of those are stories that we've learned, and it's just unpeeling them one after the other. Barron, Katie's amazing at this. I don't know if you've, uh, done her work, but I mean, it's basically what we were doing before, right? So it was just identifying those stories, one after the other and just questioning them and turning them around. you kind of do that and they start to lose their potency. And then you, you sink into just like unconditional love of everything that exists in this moment. Everything that is, that's fucking content, man. It's not, it's not something that you have to work. To like, oh shit, I'm sort, let me do something. Let me journal, let me do something that I feel content with. It's like, it's a natural, it's like, it's like the sunny, sunny, like the sun is always there above the clouds, right? You just have to get rid of the clouds and then it's there already, and then the drive becomes,'cause if there's already love and joy there, your drive becomes this, this innate desire. I was just reading the, the one a, a phenomenal book rereading, um, called A Happy Pocket Full of Money. If you haven't read this, read it. Read it is amazing. So, but he talks about how, um, dammit, I forgot what my train of thought. What was it, what was I saying? What is he, he's saying in that book? Um, uh oh yeah. He take talks about desire versus want and. Um, the way I think of it, and it was gave me language to something that I've been thinking about, which is like, this is like, oh, I want something, I want, I want it. It's like there's a feeling of lack right? In that it's like, ah, I want it, it's not here. And so we're focusing on the lack, on the wanting, and we tend to kinda stay in a state of wanting because we that, like, that's what we're manifesting and that's the state. Like, oh, want I need, like, that's not a good state. So avoiding that and just returning to a no, like everything is exactly as it should be, right? Right. This moment. But desire, I feel like is a different energy. Like desire, sexual desire, right? Is is natural. Like, like feeling that sexual desire feels good, right? We like that feeling. Now when it turns into like, I want, I need to have right now, like, then it becomes a different thing. Right? But like, feeling the desire feels amazing and it's like a creative act. I mean, where do, where do. New humans come from, they come from that feeling of desire. Right? It's beautiful. It's amazing. And so it's, it's one of the most creative things that we can do is to, is to create from that desire, I desire to express myself in this way. I desire to create this thing, I desire to do this for service for other people, but it's coming from a place of, of already being filled up already, already being whole and complete and then wanting to like overflowing and want to give and want to do, uh, for others. That's how I think of it.
Track 1:Uh, that is, the difference between desire and want, I think you, you named it like, that's the part that I've been missing or at least the language of'cause wanting is the grasping desire is.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm.
Track 1:You are already in it. You don't even have to have it to experience the joy of
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Right?
Track 1:but with wanting, you have to wait, and then you're usually let down when you get what you want.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It's like the, so it's like the desire for like, in enjoying the desire in itself, not the desire, so that it can be like, oh, like the relieved and, and, and go away. Or like, you're not attached to it. You're just enjoying that, that desire to, to create or express yourself. And, and the drive too is another part of it where you like, you know why you're doing this. You're not doing it to prove yourself. You're not doing it to be better than or to feel safe or something in the future. You're doing it because it's, it, it's, it's what lights you up. It's your purpose. It's why you're here and you feel that strongly. So there can be a lot of drive in that. There can be a lot of power in that. Um, but it's more like a wave that you're riding. Then like, oh, forcing. Right. Um, David Hawkins, power versus force. That idea. Yeah. So tons of drive.
Track 1:Yeah, it seems like drive is the consequence of it. It's just like a little passenger with desire, but whenever I feel like want is the the annoying backseat driver, you know, just telling us to keep going, I need this, I need this, I need this. You know, when it's like, nah, actually it's all here and everything's good, and everything is actually really great here.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:And once you realize time doesn't exist, so this whole idea that I'm gonna create this in the future, well, that's, it's just an idea. Like all of the things that I desire are already here right now. I just need to kinda maneuver myself into that pocket and time space where it becomes my experience reality right now. But it's already here. It's already, it already exists, and I can just relax into that and feel the gratitude for that and feel the excitement about that and like do the things I need to do right now, but not out of a lack or need or
Track 1:mm-Hmm. I think that it's really difficult to explain that feeling to people who haven't experienced it because, you know, I used to get so annoyed when people would say that. You know, I would just be like, are you kidding me? No, that is not the answer I want. How do I get what I want? Um, but you know, last summer, whenever I, I actually went to a retreat, um, with Matthew Hussey and it was absolutely incredible because I had this, this amazing moment where he walked us down this meditative journey and this, the whole path was to like, just going back through our life. And then we came to this field and in the field there was a baby and we like sat down next to the baby and it's, it's you, it's you. And you get to watch yourself grow up and then you get to live your life with yourself. And anyways, it, it was absolutely amazing. But what was so shocking for me was that my soulmate was me the whole time. It was like this incredible feeling.'cause I've been. I guess chasing that soulmate feeling in a partner forever. Like, oh, that the one will be out there and he, and that's going to just complete me. But whenever I found out it was me, it was the most beautiful experience of my life. And so for me, that's kind of how I now am experiencing the joy in the moment. That's why I love to dance alone.'cause I'm with my human. Like she's the one who's never gonna leave me. She's even gonna be there when I die. She's the only one who's guaranteed to be there when I die. And she's never abandoned me. She's been there for every horrible moment. Every time I'm sitting underneath the table sobbing my eyes out, she was there. You know? And she gets it. And, and so yeah, it's, it's, it's interesting, you know, as I'm on this journey right now, just like going back to her over and over and over again, you know,'cause I feel like that's something I have to unlearn. I mean, 35 years of. Doing it the other way of lurking externally for every want, you know, every need to be given to me. When I actually did have it all along, which was a little bit annoying to find out that people were right, I hated that.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:I know. I know ego.
Track 1:Yeah.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:I know that feeling sure. Uh, yeah, but I mean, that's the thing, right?'cause like when we're in that phase from one to two, we end up, we disown a part of ourselves and then we, most people stay in that way, and then they find some other part person. There's two reasons you fall in love with someone that has both has to be there. Number one is that they have that part that you disowned. So that's why we have that feeling that, that, oh, you complete me. I find a partner that completes me because they, they have the part that I disowned. No, you have, you have that part the whole time. You just need to include it. And then you get to feel whole in yourself. And now you can meet another person that feels whole and you can actually have a real relationship. But the other part that the, that someone has to have in order for us to fall in love is that they need to mirror the, the offender, the person, the the person that caused us to disown that part. The person that hurt us, that made us feel like we were wrong for being that way. So they all also represent that part. So we're set up for real, real challenges in relationship. And that's kind of how it works. It's, it's like the, the path to become whole again and to, to make peace with the offending aspect and to make like reincorporate the dis zoned, dis zoned part of ourselves. And that's to me, what relationship is about, or a big part of it.
Track 1:absolutely. And I think that's where the work comes in. In relationships, you know, like whenever people think about, you know, oh, whenever we get married it's gonna be work, but it's okay. And you think that it's just no, it's not what you think it's gonna be. The work is way different than what you think. It's actually more internal, you know, like they always say that like your partner is your mirror. You know? They're going to reflect everything back to you that you do not wanna see in yourself.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the most rewarding, beautiful thing ever. I had, after we met in Denver, um, my wife was going through some dental work and she was sedated, uh, the whole day Tuesday. And it was such a deep gut punch that I did not expect to kinda see her just like, like they inject, they, she has the IV and then they e inject, inject the thing, and then like within 15 seconds she was gone. And I was like, ah. It was like, it just hit me much, much deeper than I thought it was gonna be.'cause like logically I knew, well there's dating her and then they were gonna like, I guess like un sedate her or whatever they do, right? They're gonna bring her back. But just seeing her guys just go like that, I was like, oh shit. This love thing, this love thing is a lot more intense than I thought it was gonna be.
Track 1:Yeah. Wow.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah.
Track 1:also beautiful too. You know? I think sometimes we need that perspective that life is short. And that people are vulnerable. And I don't know. It is, it's, it's beautiful to be able to love people through those things in those moments.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah. I think the reason it hit me too is I, I've always been that person that was like, I don't need anybody. I can figure everything out, out on my own. I can just, you know, so it, yeah. I'm not used to feeling, feeling, that kind of attachment in that way. You know? I can feel love, but that, like, that part where it's like, oh shit, I'm not used to that.
Track 1:Yeah.'cause now you're vulnerable. You're vulnerable to loss and to grief.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:mm-Hmm.
Track 1:It's a scary time.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Yeah.
Track 1:Wow. Okay. Well thank you for answering all of these questions. Like this has been incredible and I hope that everybody else is like getting away or taking away as much from it as I am.'cause. There are so many golden nuggets throughout this that you've said that I'm just like definitely floored by. So I'm really grateful that you came on and kind of shared that with everybody.
squadcaster-j7b0_1_01-29-2024_170521:Thank you. I'm super grateful to be here. It's, it's really, I really enjoy, talking with you and having, yeah, just being here in your, in your presence. It was super fun, to meet you a couple weeks ago and now I'll do this. So really enjoy it. Appreciate it very much. So I've been doing the, been in the coaching business for, for many, many years with the softwares and Claro. We have, we help thousands of coaches. We think we've helped people make collectively over$530 million on our platform. so we've seen some things. So I made this video the other day of that what we see is as the path, the simplest path to get to 10 KA month as a coach. And so I can share that with people. so go to, if you go follow me on Instagram, Calvin Corelli, and then DM me the words 10 k and just. Say that you came from this podcast and I'll send you, I can send you that video and then, so that's 10 k. And then for the health stuff I have, I have this kind of holistic approach to it where it's like, it's about the body and the movement and the breath and all those things. It's about diet, it's about toxins, it's about the mental, the mindset, and then it's about the energy level.'cause to me, health is, like, Western medicine is so off base when it comes to health. So it's like I take a holistic approach to it. So I have a, a training I put together on that. So if you DM me the word health, I'll happily send that to, to, uh, people as well. So that's interesting to people. That's what I got. That's what I got right here. So Calvin Corelli at Instagram, follow DM 10 K or health or both? I trust I'll see you again soon at some point. Well, we have, we we're doing the reverse podcast, so we'll be doing that soon.
Track 1:Yes, we will. Which I'm very excited about, curious how that's gonna go.
Thank you guys so much for joining me on today's episode. I really hope that you got a lot out of this as I did. There are so many golden nuggets to take away from Calvin and his approach to things. And just as a reminder, this is not a substitute for therapy or therapeutic advice, so if you guys are looking for a therapist in your area, check out the links below. Again, please share this with anybody that you know might be interested in this. Also, check me out on Instagram and TikTok. You guys can send me messages there, let me know what topics that you might be interested in hearing more about. and kind of see what I'm up to. So thank you again for joining me. I look forward to the next episode.
