#3: When happiness brings rejection

It is often said that the more we succeed, the more people we will have that try to bring us down.  However, we don't discuss WHY this happens. In this episode, I cover what is going on under the surface. 

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*This is not a substitute for therapy nor is it therapeutic advice. If you would like to find a therapist in your area check out psychologytoday.com, goodtherapy.org, or therapyden.com

Transcript

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Welcome to the Therapy Alchemist podcast. I'm your host, Katrina Austin, a therapist in Colorado. I'm here to talk not only about the science behind mental health, but the magical process of transformation.

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Hey guys. Welcome back to the therapy off miss podcast. I want to talk about something that happens whenever we, as a person start to transcend into a new level of spiritual awakening. how. People will be very triggered by that. Before, I've kind of heard of this as. Sounding kind of narcissistic. In a way. Where they'll say like, oh, you know, people won't like that you're growing and you have to kick them out of your life and whatever. And I'm sure that's true to an extent, There are some people who. Really do genuinely want to see you fail, but. Nobody really talks about whenever you. Are experiencing that spiritual awakening. the people that actually love you get triggered by that and started to push you away and start to build up resentment towards you, because that is a really painful experience to have. What I've noticed is that when people's core wound is a need to feel valuable meaning. They need others to need them in order to feel like they are lovable. what I have found is that when you are experiencing different transitions, Into self-love and growth and happiness and all of these, like really, really incredible steps. On this journey of the human experience. That we will. End up triggering people's abandonment wounds. they will start to resent our happiness and our success because. That means that they're no longer needed. And that is a really, really difficult pill to swallow. As a heads up. This is going to happen. sometimes it will be the people who have supported you the most in life. Who have been there for you when you were at your lowest it's not because they don't love you. It has nothing to do with you. It's that. Your growth is triggering all of this stuff inside of them. That they are not ready to confront or that they are terrified to confront or that they need to confront.

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I can only say this from my own personal experience. Of being triggered myself by other people's growth, but also from what I've seen in my clients and just talking to my own personal therapist What seems to happen is When we see other people that we love and that we are close to being happy. And thriving. we feel that we are not any of those things. What a hard pill to swallow. a lot of times shame presents itself as resentment. We may not even realize that we were consciously doing this, where we are making the other person feel guilty for. Succeeding for having happiness, where they feel like they have to downplay all of these. Good moments in their life because we can't handle it there is an energy or a. I don't know, verbal things that we say that let them know that like, Hey, you being happy around me is not okay because it makes me feel unsafe. by unsafe, I don't mean in danger, but more of like an unconscious fear that I am going to be abandoned or that I am a failure. I'm going to suck at life. Right. So it's, it's more, it's more about fear, right? Fear drives. arguably all of our uncomfortable emotions. so it's really difficult to watch someone have what you are desperately trying to achieve. Even if it's someone you love. I can use this as a personal example. When I have close friends of mine. Who find romantic relationships that are really great. I will feel happiness for them. While simultaneously feeling. A little bit resentful and hopeful that they won't last. Because I am. So self-aware, I recognize that in the moment. So I usually in those situations will distance myself until I can get grounded enough.

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currently I am in a place where. I am. Very aware that that is happening. I am very happy being single and I am. Truly just finding happiness and being myself and being whole. As one individual person and not feeling that need to have someone come rescue me from the world, but. Before I could reach that point. I was aware that I was doing that and I would distance myself from my friends because I didn't want my negativity to ruin their happy moment. that's not always the case for most people. They don't recognize that they're doing it. They don't see that. They are trying to find faults in you. by picking fights that don't actually make any sense. they stop complimenting you, they stop encouraging you. They stop being your cheerleader. It's because of Their own stuff. I think that's, what's really important to remember in these situations because it has their own stuff. It isn't about you. that does not mean. Necessarily that they do not love you and that they were never your true friend. They are on their own growth journey and you are bringing up things in them. As a mirror for themselves of the areas that they need to grow. And it is. Really hard to deal with that. So if they are taking it out on you. not showing up as a friend, getting distant picking fights, doing all of these things. And projecting a lot of stuff onto you that just doesn't make sense. It's because they just aren't there yet. That's okay. They may not get there. because right now maybe they just need to be in the darkness for awhile. Maybe they need to sit in that sadness. And. Just experience. Life. because we all go through that. We all get. Depressed at times or feel demoralized. And we are just so annoyed with people who are happy. We're like get away from me. You're obnoxious, you know, because. It's triggering. it seems fake when we are in the dark side of things. Happiness feels fake. It seems unachievable. It seems unreachable.

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my hope for you is that. As you continue along your spiritual journey, that you leave a lot of space for people to be people. as you begin to let go of control in. A lot of areas of your life and letting go of control of expectations. Of how things should be. That you allow these people, that space to go through their own stuff. Send them a whole bunch of love. And let go. The greatest form of love that we can give is letting go. Because letting go says. I love you so much that. I hope, whatever makes you happy happens for you, even if that includes me not being a part of your life, even though I want you desperately. Even though you are someone who is meaningful to me and someone that I love to be around. I wish you the best lean into love in these moments instead of. Feeling anger, if you can. I know anger is a very normal emotion and that's fine. And I think that's part of the process of this whole thing, right? Because them rejecting ice is going to bring up our own stuff. So it's more areas for us to work on and to grow as well. Just remember that this is someone you love and you care about, and if they are meant to come back, they will. If they're not, they won't. it's okay. Keep searching for people who are in the same. Vortex. If you will. Of self-growth that you're in because at each level, each major level, each major aha moment, each major growth step that you do. You are going to start transcending different people. You're going to have to find people. Who are in that same mindset to put yourself around, to help you to grow. I truly believe that we will. Attract those people. That the universe really does kind of send people in to our space. That have the same views as us. We get growing pains, We lose things that we didn't want to lose, but. Letting go. That's the best way to do it. It's just having acceptance and seeing that things. Just R. And they're not as personal as we thought they were. As a reminder. This is not a substitute for one-on-one therapy. If you guys are in need of additional therapeutic help, check out psychology today.com or good therapy.com you can find some great therapists located near you. again, hit that subscribe button. Please share this content with others so that I can get the word out there to more people. Thank you so much for listening. I will talk to you soon.